Bent, Not Broken
by KateFaulkner24
Summary: Our rules, lives, hearts, and souls may be bent. But they will never be broken. (Spoilers for 5x15 "Target")
1. Our Rules

**Title:** Bent, Not Broken- Our Rules  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Gates/Perlmutter friendship  
**Disclaimer:** I couldn't begin to take credit for the beauty that is _Castle_. That would be Andrew Marlowe's pride and joy. I just play with the toys and put them back in the toybox.  
**Author's Note**: Nothing would please me more than to share the thoughts and love I had for 5x15 "Target". I can't stop watching the episode, and when I can't watch the episode, I watch clips. I was blown away by Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic and Molly Quinn. After I watched it the first time, the _Castle_ muses began whispering the fiction you see before you now. I would like to thank Andrew Marlowe and the _Castle_ crew for their hands in making something we love and believe in. And I would like to thank Vertical Horizon and Three Doors Down for giving me the rock music that inspired each one of these chapters. The music for each chapter is as follows, and if you'd like reasons why, please message me:

Our Rules (Gates/Perlmutter): "Miracle" by Vertical Horizon  
Our Lives (Ryan/Esposito): "Citizen Soldier" by Three Doors Down  
Our Hearts (Lanie/Beckett): "Won't Go Away" by Vertical Horizon  
Our Souls (Castle): "Train" by Three Doors Down

This builds on top of my "A Day In the Life of Perlmutter" fiction, and happens right before Chapter 8 "Where We Stand". Enjoy.

**Summary**: Our rules can be bent, but they will not be broken. (Spoilers for 5x15 "Target")

* * *

"I don't know, Sidney," said Captain Victoria Gates, her arms crossed and her gaze hawkish, fixated on the intangible on the floor. "This is something a little closer to home."

She'd been like this in spurts, periods here and there when no one was looking, but she didn't fool Dr. Sidney Perlmutter. She played the rest of the precinct like saps; the stoic, unyielding commanding officer, all for "yes, Sir" and "absolutely, Sir" until her subordinates were blue in the face, making fools of themselves. But a slight hitch in her step, shoulders slumped slightly, her periodic starings into the unknown gave her away like a cheap drunk at the town bar. Her tells were easy to pick up if one was paying attention, and it was his habit and occupational hazard to nonchalantly notice everything, and miss nothing.

Sidney absently fingered the knick-knack paperweight on her desk, sending the tiny metal ball swinging into its brothers and exchanging centrifugal force. "Nothing you can do but do your job, Victoria. Find the facts, do your job, and get her back. Alexis needs us to work on the outside so she stays alive on the inside. As long as we do that, we can't lose."

"I know that, and I'm trying not to lose hope or perspective on that, but it's getting bleaker by the moment. You know as well as I do that the lifespan of a kidnap victim goes down every hour they don't turn up. And with Castle pacing around so badly that he's etched a groove in the precinct's floor, I'm finding nothing to give him to ease his pain."

"You 'like' Castle, don't you?"

She sighed. "About as much as you. While I don't care of his antics, there are moments where even I can't help but acknowledge him as a blessing in this place. I'm beginning to see why Roy Montgomery kept him around for so long."

Sidney smirked slightly. "You know that's not the only reason why he kept Castle here."

"I know. I've been suspicious for awhile, and today just confirmed it. The way she hugged him and them holding hands… that sort of affection is restricted here. It's against the rules for partners to be in a romantic relationship together, and I know, once all this is over, I will have to address it." She sighed, and rubbed her eyes with the thumb and index finger on her right hand. "That's not a conversation I'm looking forward to at all."

"Well, technically, they aren't breaking the rules."

"Hmm?"

"You said 'partners' right? As in two people who work together for the NYPD."

"Right."

"Then they aren't 'partners', not with that line of thinking. Beckett's an NYPD homicide detective, and Castle is a two-bit writer with delusions of grandeur and no imagination. He only thinks he's a cop."

She narrowed her eyes. "And?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, you can't kick him out of the precinct based on that fact. He acts in a consultant capacity only. Unless," he bemusedly grabbed the paperweight's flying spheres. "you would like to tarnish the reputation of the New York Police Department by actually claiming Castle as a deputized employee. But if you ask me, that would be stupid."

Gates chuckled. "Since when were you an advocate for Richard Castle?"

"Since his daughter got kidnapped." He hardened his gaze, serious. "It's hard to find reasons to demean and criticize a father when his child is put in danger. Especially if you were that child's mentor for awhile. I might not respect big Castle, but little Castle, I'm quite fond of."

That seemed to settle things. "I will… give it some thought. Thank you for being honest, Sidney."

"Absolutely. Now, if you will excuse me, Victoria, I have to get back to the morgue. Beckett asked me to look over the body of Mr. Roadkill one more time. The sooner we find these clowns, the better."

* * *

**Sidenote:** Someone mentioned this chapter is OOC for Sidney. That's probably because of what's missing in "A Day in the Life of Perlmutter".

-To give him more interactions with other characters, I had in my head that Perlmutter would take over Alexis's internship at the morgue if Lanie wasn't there, or if Lanie asked him to consult. This means he's known Alexis and worked with her "for awhile", since Season 4.

-He would've liked Alexis. She's smart, and she pays attention, and she doesn't annoy people.

-I had a chapter I was working on that explains this, but I never got to publish it before "Target". It will be published immediately afterward.

-Because of Sidney's respect for Alexis and the situation, he would feel some sort of obliging respect for Castle too. Don't think it would last, but for the moment, he would feel Castle's pain and be on Castle's side in keeping him in the precinct, where he could do the most good.

Just fyi. -K.F.


	2. Our Lives

**Title:** Bent, Not Broken- Our Lives  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Ryan/Esposito friendship  
**Disclaimer:** I couldn't begin to take credit for the beauty that is _Castle_. That would be Andrew Marlowe's pride and joy. I just play with the toys and put them back in the toybox.  
**Author's Note**: Nothing would please me more than to share the thoughts and love I had for 5x15 "Target". I can't stop watching the episode, and when I can't watch the episode, I watch clips. I was blown away by Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic and Molly Quinn. After I watched it the first time, the _Castle_ muses began whispering the fiction you see before you now. I would like to thank Andrew Marlowe and the _Castle_ crew for their hands in making something we love and believe in. And I would like to thank Vertical Horizon and Three Doors Down for giving me the rock music that inspired each one of these chapters. The music for each chapter is as follows, and if you'd like reasons why, please message me:

Our Rules (Gates/Perlmutter): "Miracle" by Vertical Horizon  
Our Lives (Ryan/Esposito): "Citizen Soldier" by Three Doors Down  
Our Hearts (Lanie/Beckett): "Won't Go Away" by Vertical Horizon  
Our Souls (Castle): "Train" by Three Doors Down

This builds on top of my "A Day In the Life of Perlmutter" fiction, and happens right before Chapter 8 "Where We Stand". Enjoy.

**Summary**: Our lives may be bent out of place, but they will not be broken by circumstance. (Spoilers for 5x15 "Target")

* * *

The farmhouse busted. The van busted. Every fragment of evidence busted, and every step closer to Alexis felt like another step on a fast-moving treadmill: one step closer to nowhere. Over and over and over again, the facts led up to nothing, and Detective Kevin Ryan's eyes blurred and itched red by going over them. His partner fared no better; Javier Esposito called the FBI, called the El-Mazri's, ran down traffic cam feeds and ran down nightmare after nightmare of dead-ends. Every twist, every turn, every step they took or approached, it was like they ran up the mountain only to be thrown back down by an avalanche of nothing, burying them in an ever-present feeling of dread. And they couldn't lose this one, no, not this one; Alexis was on the line. One of their own, someone near and dear to their own brother in arms. They couldn't lose this one.

Ryan sipped a cup of coffee and sighed. "Nothing. We got nothing. I've been over this a dozen times, and I can't find anything on where the kidnappers would've taken the girls."

"We'll get it, bro," replied Javier, replacing the receiver on his desk and leaning back in his chair. "And when we do, we'll be heroes. Alexis will be back before you know it."

"Yeah, but you have to think realistically, Javi. We don't even know where to look."

He raised an eyebrow. "And you think that's going to stop us? We've gone through worse. Castle's gone through worse. Beckett too. Trust me, if there's anything here, we'll find it and hunt these bad boys down."

"Thanks for being positive."

"It's the only thing that's keeping me going right now." He swiveled his chair and shook his head. "Can't imagine how Castle feels right now."

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. He's devastated, and I would be too if it was my daughter. I don't know how he keeps it together sometimes."

"He doesn't. He just does what he can to hold the line." Javier smiled faintly. "You know, you learn how to deal with things sometimes when you're in combat, and he's seen enough to know how. In the Special Forces, you see a lot of dead bodies. Brothers in arms dead at your feet from enemy fire before you can blink. Sometimes, it's kidnapping, and you may or may not see the members of your unit come back, alive or dead. But when it comes down to the mission, you do what you're asked to do and hold the line, regardless of circumstance. It's never easy but… it's survival mode. It's what keeps you alive. Castle's just keeping himself alive, keeping strong."

"Even though it's Alexis?"

"Doesn't matter. He knows he has to get through this to get her back. He cracks when it gets too much, but then again, even I would. Like that van? If it was my family, my blood, my little girl? I'd be lying if I said I could hold a straight face."

"Then we got to prevent more of that from happening. We have to get her back."

"Then we better hold the line as well as Castle would. She's our girl now too. And we'd die trying to protect her. We'll find her. And we will make whoever took her pay for doing it."

"So, hold the line?"

Javier nodded. "Hold the line. And when we stare them down, they'll chicken and be the ones blinking."


	3. Our Hearts

**Title:** Bent, Not Broken- Our Hearts  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Kate/Lanie friendship  
**Disclaimer:** I couldn't begin to take credit for the beauty that is _Castle_. That would be Andrew Marlowe's pride and joy. I just play with the toys and put them back in the toybox.  
**Author's Note**: Nothing would please me more than to share the thoughts and love I had for 5x15 "Target". I can't stop watching the episode, and when I can't watch the episode, I watch clips. I was blown away by Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic and Molly Quinn. After I watched it the first time, the _Castle_ muses began whispering the fiction you see before you now. I would like to thank Andrew Marlowe and the _Castle_ crew for their hands in making something we love and believe in. And I would like to thank Vertical Horizon and Three Doors Down for giving me the rock music that inspired each one of these chapters. The music for each chapter is as follows, and if you'd like reasons why, please message me:

Our Rules (Gates/Perlmutter): "Miracle" by Vertical Horizon  
Our Lives (Ryan/Esposito): "Citizen Soldier" by Three Doors Down  
Our Hearts (Lanie/Beckett): "Won't Go Away" by Vertical Horizon  
Our Souls (Castle): "Train" by Three Doors Down

Enjoy. This builds on top of my "A Day In the Life of Perlmutter" fiction, and happens right before Chapter 8 "Where We Stand".

**Summary**: Our hearts might be bent, but they're not broken. (Spoilers for 5x15 "Target")

* * *

The facts didn't change. For years, wading amidst the piles that became mountains, nothing changed. Through the summations of the dead and what was left of their lives, Kate Beckett searched, weeded, and scoured for hope. But no matter what she did or the more she cleared out, the more cases she closed, the longer the battle became… a battle that had no end. Homicide was always in business, and it became her honor, her duty, and her sacred vow to bring those who committed it to justice. She spoke for the dead, and until she herself was six feet under, there wasn't a moment where she let that responsibility to slide. It was still her privilege to lay their souls to rest.

Throughout the years, she'd learn quite a bit about the dead, but even more so about the living. The beat of her heart now reminded her of every precious moment, of every second spent in this world, something she hadn't altogether realized when she first started at the academy. She used to see the mundaneness of it all through the occupational mindset of a cop. She did her job and she did it well. The moments of self-aware pleasure sifted through her fingers in fleeting seconds here, or there, just long enough to grasp before the next body of the recently deceased cried out for justice. But now, life had taken a radical deviation from "the plan" she always had for herself.

Castle was that deviation, and he was a detour that she thanked God everyday for. When she was busy recounting the last moments of the day, it was him who taught her how to enjoy every second of life.

But every step and every turn in the roads less traveled had their own obstacles and perils that rocked with unrelenting severity. And in one of the happiest years she had ever had in her life, Kate was rocked so hard, it brought her to her knees. No skill or trait could ever stop the unspeakable from happening, and she felt more lost, hopeless, and defeated than she ever had before.

Kate ran her fingers through her hair and pulled at the roots, breathing ragged and emotionally painful. "I don't know what to do."

Lanie, ever the comfort, snapped off her gloves and threw them in the morgue's waste management bin before she drew her arms around her best friend and hugged her. "I know."

"Every second, Alexis is in danger, and I feel so helpless… I can't do anything, and Castle's going out of his mind…"

"We miss her too."

"It's more than just that," she replied. "That's his little girl. That's a part of him. I mean, I don't even know what that's like, to lose a child like that, and I feel useless. I don't know what to do to comfort him, and I'm trying to be strong, but this…" She stiffened, and shook her head. "I don't even know if there's anything I can do for him. I'm trying my best, but I don't know how."

"I think you're doing everything you can for him, Kate," replied Lanie, releasing the embrace. "And for her. Alexis knows that you both won't stop until you've found her, and she's a smart girl. She'll find a way to survive."

"I've never seen him like this, Lanie. I've seen him upset, but this… this is new. And when I left him alone in that room with that driver…"

"Don't. Don't think like that, honey. He will do anything to get his daughter back, and you know that, but don't torture yourself with the 'what if's' about him now. There will be plenty of time to work through that later on."

"I don't want anything to happen to her, Lanie. Not just for Castle, but… for me too. I mean, I've been dating him for half a year now, and being a part of his life, being there with her, it's strange how used to things I am. I called her a few days ago to ask her about what classes she was signing up for next semester, and if she was going to do summer classes. She got so excited, talking about an intro to speech class she'd been dying to try, and I told her she could practice her orating skills on me while we took a trip to Serendipity's next Saturday. It was so ordinary, and the thought of never having that again… Lanie, I can't live with that. We have to find her."

Lanie nodded, and smiled. "Sounds to me like you know a measure of what he's going through, girl. You're already on your way there."

Kate faintly smiled. "I don't know. But I'm not going to rest until she's back in his arms."

"Not unless you're dead. And then, I wouldn't put it past you to haunt the people behind this after you're gone." The coroner reached for her black wool coat and put it on. "I've got to get back to work, Kate. I'm working this case and a few others. I've asked Perlmutter to look over the blood samples and the bodyguard's body for more clues while I'm out at a different crime scene. But you stay strong, ok? We're going to get these guys." Kate was halfway out the door before Lanie addressed her one last time. "Kate."

"Yeah?"

"I think all you can do is be there. As long as you don't leave his side and you help him solve this, you're doing everything you can do for him."

"Let's hope that's enough."

"From you? It is."


	4. Our Souls

**Title:** Bent, Not Broken- Our Souls  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Castle  
**Disclaimer:** I couldn't begin to take credit for the beauty that is _Castle_. That would be Andrew Marlowe's pride and joy. I just play with the toys and put them back in the toybox.  
**Author's Note**: Nothing would please me more than to share the thoughts and love I had for 5x15 "Target". I can't stop watching the episode, and when I can't watch the episode, I watch clips. I was blown away by Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic and Molly Quinn. After I watched it the first time, the _Castle_ muses began whispering the fiction you see before you now. I would like to thank Andrew Marlowe and the _Castle_ crew for their hands in making something we love and believe in. And I would like to thank Vertical Horizon and Three Doors Down for giving me the rock music that inspired each one of these chapters. The music for each chapter is as follows, and if you'd like reasons why, please message me:

Our Rules (Gates/Perlmutter): "Miracle" by Vertical Horizon  
Our Lives (Ryan/Esposito): "Citizen Soldier" by Three Doors Down  
Our Hearts (Lanie/Beckett): "Won't Go Away" by Vertical Horizon

Our Souls (Castle): "Train" by Three Doors Down

Enjoy. This builds on top of my "A Day In the Life of Perlmutter" fiction, and happens right before Chapter 8 "Where We Stand".

**Summary**: Our souls will never be broken. (Spoilers for 5x15 "Target")

* * *

_Alexis. Alexis. Alexis._ His beautiful baby girl. The separation was excruciating. To know what happened but not the why slayed him, and he couldn't believe in his better angels to cope with the anxiety eating away at his stomach like acid. There was no sense to this. Why his daughter? Why did they take her? What was she doing that they would take her? Was she truly just at the wrong place at the wrong time? And what did that say about her life expectancy? He believed that she'd just been taken as extra leverage, as a victim of collateral damage, but there was no way he couldn't take this personally. It was his daughter, his daughter, and he knew he would make her captors suffer for every second away from her that he experienced.

Paris. They took her to Paris, and this wasn't one of Meredith's hair-brained whimsies for the latest fashions and melt-in-your-mouth croissants. How could they take her and Sara out of the country? What kind of regulations did TSA have nowadays that they'd allow them to take the girls away like that? Didn't they have some sort of checklist and inspections to follow? How the heck could they allow this to happen?

Rick Castle dismissed himself away from the FBI and retreated to his man cave. This used to be his place of sanctuary from his family, though he lived it when Alexis visited from time to time. Both his mother and his daughter knew not to disturb him in a writing haze when his manuscript deadlines were apparent and his wanted to avoid Gina's fire ants on his eyeballs. But now, alone, it felt as hollow as a tomb and just as cold, like the air had been sucked out of it. It burned his lungs to breathe. He wanted her back. He ached to have her back. He choked his sobs and put on as straight a face as he could to keep it together because he had to be strong for her. But seeing her face on that screen had been the last shot to his already breaking heart. Tears made the world melt into a distorted shadow, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. "Alexis…" he cried, and slammed a fist into the desk. Pained, raging, depressed, hopeful and hopeless, he did it again, and then again, until he knew one more slam would crack his fingers and break his knuckles. He wanted to do it, he craved to do it, something to keep his mind and his heart off of the pain inside, but he knew he couldn't. He had to stay strong, right? "Keep it together," he murmured through his sobs. "Come on, you can do it. This won't help her."

And it wouldn't. It wouldn't help her at all. A broken hand with his broken heart would make a useless matched pair.

_So, what would?_

Instantly, he realized what he had to do. He grabbed the key to the left-hand desk drawer and turned it clockwise. It took a bit to rummage around, but he found what he was looking for and closed the drawer as silently as he could. "I'm need some fresh air," he absently told the FBI teach guys as he walked past them. The moment he was out the door, he heard, rather than experienced himself, call his mother and say, "Something's come up at the precinct. Beckett and I are going to work on the case a little more, and I'll call if I hear anything." She said something back, but by then, he'd blacked out on anything but his tunnel vision of the one most important thing he cherished in other than his mother, his girlfriend, and his own life.

His baby girl.

If she couldn't escape and come to him… he would go to her. And he'd put a bullet in every person that would come against him if he had to.

He slipped his passport into his pocket. He hadn't realized he'd had it in his hand until just then. "_Bonjour, Paris,"_ he said. "I want my daughter back."


End file.
